The Re-Set Button

One day, my daughter was having one of “those” days. For whatever reason, things just weren’t going her way, and she was letting the rest of us know exactly how mad she was about it. Everything was a drama, a disaster, a point of argument. She was making life miserable for the rest of us with her attitude and I quickly turned sour, myself. I was ready to boot the kid into next week!

Things did not improve as the day wore on and in the early afternoon, my daughter came unglued at her siblings, AGAIN. I was in another room when I heard her hollering, and I’d had enough. I was furious. I pounded into the room, ready to give the girl a piece of my mind and to order her to KNOCK IT OFF! I took a deep breath, and yelled over my daughter’s yelling, “GET OVER HERE!”

I was ready to ground her or banish her. But as she walked to me, hunched against “the wrath of Mom,” her face drawn with dejection and frustration, I felt a strong impression to hug her. I all but yanked her into my arms.

It surprised us both. I didn’t know what to say, so I just said, “You looked like you needed a hug.” She burst into tears and just nodded, practically burrowing into me.

We stood there for a long time, my daughter’s jerky, tight sobs gradually lessening, loosening. I felt my anger at her dissolve and my compassion for her build, and even rocked back and forth with her, as she were an oversized baby. I realized then that it had been awhile since I had really hugged this child and let her know that I am here for her, in good times—and in bad times—especially in bad times!

The whole experience was like hitting the re-set button. All the tension and anger and frustration were gone. We couldn’t un-do what happened earlier in the day, but with that hug—that physical reconnection and reminder that I love her—my daughter and I were able to move forward in a positive direction for the rest of the day.

In the days that followed, when I’ve gotten frustrated, or noticed that one of the kids is frustrated, I’ve tried to remember to find a way to “re-set.” I may not be able to change my circumstances, but I can change my attitude, and influence the others around me, if I am willing to stop—and re-set. Sometimes, it’s a hug. Sometimes, it’s a joke. Sometimes, it’s bursting into song. Sometimes, it’s just an open admission, “You know what? This isn’t going well—let’s ‘re-set.’”

I hope if you find yourself or your kids struggling on a given day (week, month, year) that you have a “re-set button” to help restore happiness and humor.

You are doing such profound, amazing work. Don’t forget that. Consider this a virtual hug from me. You’re awesome, ladies!

 

Marissa Pineda
Vice President