Miles to Go…or Not.

It’s Wednesday night and I’ve just spent yet another day careening around town in my battered mini-van, running the kids to and from various activities, arguing with them over what music to listen to (“No, we are NOT going to listen to Raffi again!”) and horking down a sandwich so fast I didn’t taste it and got the hiccups after the first swallow. As I attempted to first--hold my breath, then breathe--through the hitching in my diaphragm, I think “Is this really my life? Is this what I signed up for?”

Uh…NO. It’s a not-so-merry-go-round I’ve been on, and something has to give. I recently read an article in Practical Homeschooling magazine that posed the question, “Are you doing things for your children, or with your children?” The gist of the article was to encourage us to examine our priorities—and see how easy it is to get so involved doing things FOR the kids (driving, cooking, task-mastering, etc.) that we forget to do things WITH the kids.

It’s been on my mind a lot. I had to stop and assess how much time we spend dashing from lesson to activity—and the truth is—I spend a LOT of time in the car moving people around and hollering at them to HURRY. I think my kids see more of the back of my head and hear more yelling than they should. I just found a quote by David O. McKay that says “There should be no yelling in the home unless there is a fire.” If that’s the case, someone needs to gift me an extinguisher, because it seems we are always on fire. (My birthday is in June, just so you know.)

I need to scale back. But it’s hard to decide what to give up! Aside from their academics, the kids are involved in dance, choir, gymnastics, tae kwon do, scouts, Activity Days, a twice weekly co-op, baseball, preschool, and…well, believe it or not, the list goes on. These things are enriching FOR the kids! They make the kids “well rounded!” And then there’s the stuff my husband and I each do, like go to work and clean the house and serve in church callings, and exercise (okay, so I don’t exercise…but I should, because it’s important!) All these things are so important!

We’re so busy I can hardly breathe---and it hit me today that I like to be busy because it makes me feel important. But what’s MOST important? What’s really best FOR my kids? Who am I trying to impress? Not the kids. If I wanted to impress them, I’d let them pile on top of me on the couch and read with them. I’d sing with them. I’d go out in the back yard with them and let them do the “Mentos in the Coke bottle” explosion experiment they’ve been begging me to try. I’d play/laugh/dance/talk/pray WITH them.

My five year old has been coming to me several times a day wanting me to hold him. Holding out his arms, telling me I’m the “beautifullest Mommy in the world” and nearly every time, I’ve responded with “Later, baby. Grab your coat and shoes, we need to leave again.” The fact that I’m more annoyed by his request and loving declarations than I’m pained by rebuffing him, scares me.

There will always be things I need to do FOR the kids---but I don’t want them to grow up and only remember the back of my head with the glare of the dashboard or the computer screen as backlighting. I want them to remember my love FOR them manifested in what I do WITH them. I want to snuggle them, make them laugh, make memories WITH THEM! Above all, I want them to know I love them, that they are the “beautifullest kids in the world.”

I guess it’s not so hard to let go of those “so important,” “enriching” things after all. Now, where did I put the Mentos?

Marissa Pineda – DHSA Vice President